Ana-log No.3 (May, June and July of 2020)

Hello again! To start off, I would just like to say that project I was sitting on fell out. No matter. I kept on pushing and doing my best. Follow me along as I update you on what has been happening in my internal and external space.

May had passed by rapidly, so rapidly in fact, that I cannot quite recall if I existed during it. What I do remember is leaving quarantine and readjusting to the new normal. I had moved back into my apartment by the end of May. I was optimistic about living in the town again. I cleaned it, set things in place and done everything else to make it homier.  

June rolled around even quicker and brought with it my 24^th birthday, which I celebrated with my family and my best friend Maja; other friends were there in spirit since Ronners (my nickname for Corona) had to swoop in and ruin that too.  Nevermind, the day went by swimmingly. Everyone enjoyed themselves. What kept me entertained during the hot months of June and July was my pretty purple bicycle that I had finally fixed. The freedom it gave me was immeasurable! It's also fast and convenient for getting me from one place to the next. I meditated on some of my life choices. I turned the topic of my sexuality in my mind a couple of times; this time, however, instead of it being this burden that is far too heavy for me to carry, it felt as light as a feather. I did question whether it's is necessary for me to speak about it since it is not a significant part of my identity, and I came to the conclusion that I should only bring it up when it is relevant to do so, whereas before I would talk about it randomly because of the shock factor which equally thrilled and terrified me. Speaking of sexuality, I also considered polyamory. Historically speaking, I have always been a serial monogamist, but I feel like I would be open to trying new things. I have a feeling it would agree with me because, as much as I need and love stability, I am the kind of person who craves versatility and constant change. I enjoy being adored and reciprocating that adoration to others, however, there is not a single scenario in which I am starting that kind of entanglement and not running out screaming: "I am so, so sorry! I can't do it! I can't do it!" That is just what my intuition is telling me. Perhaps I'll stick to monogamy for now and keep an open mind about polyamory, because you know what they say: "Don't knock it until you try it!".

July followed and made me somewhat more productive than I had previously been. I set out to expand my knowledge and begin my career in journalism. I have my heart set out on becoming a journalist. We'll see how far I'll make it. For all I know I'll end up becoming a pastry chef. Anyway, I have completed a journalism-based course and applied to different online internships, without much luck, but I kept being persistent. Oh, I even got an office just below my dad's! I didn't know what I would do with said office, but I got one regardless. In the meantime, I thought I should give dating another go by downloading Tinder again. I thought: "Ohh I might as well. I am even worse at that. How bad could it be?" That was the extent of my thinking process. It was a train wreck when I left it back in 2016, but upon rediscovering it again, I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised! I met lots of great people there. Well, that isn't completely true; initial impression was largely underwhelming. The first batch of people I encountered there were more or less carbon copies of one another; either tough, macho cisgender men with little to nothing to offer or free-spirited, but egotistical world travelers. Nevertheless, I was patient and more open-minded than ever in my search. This resulted in finding some high-quality individuals. In being consistent with my nature, I of course flew up to the clouds immediately and never really stepped back to the ground. I believe I would have happily married either one of them if the occasion called for it. I am just going to leave it at that for now. August and September updates shall reveal much more!