Ana-log No. 9 (September and October)

 

Photo: @onetostars on Instagram

Hey there! You’ll have to excuse me for being majorly late for these final two updates. I have been running around like a headless chicken, trying to figure out my brand-new life. It is currently November as I am writing this, so it might take me some time to recapitulate the memories. Anyway, here is my best attempt!

September started in full speed! I walked into that office like a boss and got to work! Actually, no, that wasn’t the case at all. I felt like I was thrown into the lion pit! Don’t get me wrong, it was all so exciting, but I had no clue what I was getting myself into. Everything kind of ambushed me all of a sudden. I can remember multiple occasions where I was at my tipping point, truly struggling to hold it together. Luckily, I knew that mistakes were not the end of the world because I was still a beginner who was learning and growing. There was always someone to guide me through the process, so it was less daunting. My first tasks included:

•  Making phone calls (I am not exaggerating when I say that I almost passed out from the amount anxiety it gave me; I still don’t love it, but my telephone manner has significantly improved)
       
• Editing articles (I have managed to do this rather well; although it was rough in the beginning, I can now confidently say that I can edit articles with minimal assistance)
  
  
• Writing articles (this was surprisingly more stressful than making calls because: 1) I wasn’t accustomed to writing around an army of people watching my every move, 2) Serbian is not my language of choice; I don’t excel at expressing myself as eloquently in Serbian language as I do in English because my brain isn’t wired to think in my native language; this demands the laborious effort of retraining my thinking patterns to be more Serbian-like, which is an effort I am really struggling with, especially since writing is the only thing I actually love doing and one I am actually equipped to do, meaning that when I fall short in reaching my potential, it feels absolutely devastating; but I tried to remind myself that it is a miracle that I can even write in Serbian (albeit poorly) with the skills I gained 10+ years ago, 3) time crunch was a pretty big issue since I need time to come up with original and unique ideas; it is rare that I can finish a piece in a day, no matter how short, due to the fact that I know that each day welcomes an influx of amazing ideas that can utterly transform the integrity of the work; this is a hurdle that I am still learning how to overcome; I found that the trick is to “kill your darlings”, meaning that you need to remove redundant words and phrases, and also make peace with the fact that not every article is going to be a masterpiece and that is alright
  
  
•     Reporting/interviewing (now, as nerve-wracking as this was, I really loved it, especially the interviewing because I had the opportunity to connect to people face-to-face, which introduced me to the human aspect that I deeply craved; reporting was also a lot of fun because it was my first time going on potentially dangerous places such as the neighborhood where a man was reportedly about to commit suicide and the mall where someone allegedly placed a bomb; this is where I discovered that I don’t have the bravery of a woman, but one of a fearless little boy standing up to someone twice his size)
  
  
  

  

  Work mode

  
  

The overall atmosphere in the office was pretty calm. Journalists were about as I expected them to be which is serious, intelligent, intimidating, “no nonsense” kind of people, but they were also really sweet and patient. The praise and encouragement they gave me was greatly appreciated. I did feel like a fish out water, which was understandable since I was a newcomer stepping into an established work environment. It took me a bit to get used to it, but once I adjusted to it, everything started to flow smoothly.

Field day

I worked from 9 to 5 and I really enjoyed it! Despite, struggling to wake up early in the morning, the morning shift gave me plenty of time to do everything on the agenda. I would even go for walks after work and cook for myself when I got home. I had so much energy and enthusiasm! Work aside, my social life was about the same. I saw my close friends which was lovely because I missed them quite a bit. There was only one friend that I haven’t seen (and still am yet to see), as she was pretty busy. My love life remained unchanged as well. I did manage to get a few crushes at the office right of the bat, but I didn’t want to dip my taco in the company salsa, so to speak. I felt it was wiser to separate business from pleasure. Was I dying for some passion? Absolutely. Could I have handled it both physically and emotionally? Absolutely not.

October arrived just as quickly as September. It brought my family along for the ride. They came to Belgrade for the christening of my baby nephew (I say baby even though he’s two) and to visit my sister’s family and me of course. Their stay was a little tricky to navigate as there were a lot of them packed in one relatively small, confined space. Alas, we made it work somehow. When they left, I continued with work as usual. I believe that is when I had my first night shift. It was frightening at first, but it all went well. I believe I worked from home on Monday and Tuesday (from 5 to 12) and then I switched to the office where I worked from 5 to 11. I also went on field in the evening, which was completely different from the outside work I did during the day, even though the responsibilities were practically the same. There was something solemn and peaceful about the evening atmosphere. 

Night shift

I returned home for two days in the middle of October to get the covid vaccine and also to settle some paperwork I needed for the purpose of opening a bank account. The whole process was rage-inducing! Crazily enough, it still isn’t completely finalized. I am losing my mind over it! I truly don’t know what to do about it, but hopefully it gets settled soon. Leaving that aside, October was even busier than September because that is when our editor in chief unexpectedly left the office, along with the two photographers, which left us fairly understaffed. We had to switch shifts and have more working weekends than we typically would (I managed to only work during one weekend; it was fine, but I definitely don’t prefer it). Overall, the month of October made me realize who I am professionally, what kind of people I want around, how much I can tolerate, what I need and want out of life and much more. It was truly an eye-opening month!