Ana-log No. 10 (November and December)

 

Photo: @azulsilk on Instagram

Why, hello there! We are in the double digits. Can you believe it?! Wow! We have so much to catch up on, so let’s go! Here is the final update of 2021.

Starting with November, I was buzzing around as usual. My anxiety was crippling and I was struggling quite a bit, but I managed to pull through as always. Suck on that chemical imbalance! I had a couple of English interviews, which I was very excited about! I talked to wives of foreign ambassadors about the fashion auction they were holding at the Hyatt hotel. That was amazing because I could finally speak comfortably and also hear stories from people who are very different from myself, but very similar in some ways.
 

Fashion auction

The rest of the remaining days of November were pretty mundane, up until the 29^th when my bestie Maja came to stay with me for a couple of days. I feel like I don’t talk enough about Maja or give her enough credit, so I’ll spare some time to introduce her to you.

Maja and I

Maja is the oldest and the very best friend I have. She has stuck beside me all the way through elementary school, High school, college and now. We have been through love and loss, pain and thrill and everything in between. She may be whole three months younger than me, but I often look at her for advice and guidance because she has this sort of wisdom and a way with people that is just remarkable! She really is my rock. What are some other reasons why I love her? Apart from her being, you know, the gorgeous, tall, curly-haired, beautiful-eyed person (I hope your Leos are satisfied with the description bestie). I love her charisma, her optimism and the devotion to the people she cares about, because, man does she care deeply! I feel I have learned everything I know about human relationships and kindness, from her. She is understanding and gentle, but also vibrant and lively. She is always up for a good time! She is non-judgmental towards other people, hence why she has so many friends who are polar opposites from her, and why she is such a great friend to each and every one of them. Maja has a way of patiently dividing her time and attention to each individual. She and I are just about as different as they come. She is tall, I’m short, she’s a brown-eyed brunette and I’m a blue-eyed blonde, she is more practical and interested in matters that are more concrete and I am all about the arts and the abstract...We couldn’t be more different on paper, but in real life, nothing has ever worked out better for either one of us. We just fit together so well. There is this mutual balance, love, understanding and shared joy, or sorrow, or confusion. With her I am home.

New Years' decoration in downtown Belgrade

Anyways, when she came, the fog and the distress lifted from my being. I felt lighter and life felt more manageable. We spent so much time together chatting and walking around and having the best time whatever else we were doing. She ended up staying for three weeks and left a couple of days ago (as of the moment when I am writing this). During her stay, I developed a small crush, that would intensify by the end of her stay (16^th of December). I can’t say too much just yet, but I’ll give you a little nibble. They are really cute, really smart, well-spoken, confident, but not arrogant or invasive; they are a Scorpio and they are seemingly interested in me. Oh, yes, they are also older than me by less than 10 years and are Serbian, which is kind of the most surprising part if you are familiar with my record. As much as I am excited about these new feelings, they are also a nuisance. I was doing so, so well! I don’t have time for this. I think I will be fine if this is something worthwhile, but if it’s just “come and go”, if it’s just here to toy with my emotions and break my heart, then I don’t want it. No ma'am. I am deadly serious this time. I am 100% ready for something stable and lasting, even if it’s currently not the most convenient time. I will make it work if I feel it’s right. Another thing that is really frustrating is the fact that I am unsure if I should even risk it, yet I can’t help it because I have already formed a fairly significant attraction towards them, one that is not based solely on their appearance. I want to let them make the first move, but I am too impatient, and also, having to perpetuate heterosexual stereotypes about who approaches who first, infuriates me so much! I don’t want to be the damsel in distress. I want to fight for what I want. I want to be brave and make my own choices. Unfortunately, this has proven to be unfavorable in my past, so now I have decided to wait, at least temporarily. If  I get sick of it and I start feeling like it’s getting too dragged out, then and only then will I make the move. But, for now, I guess I’ll have to practice patience and pray that the idea, the potential stays alive. With this, I want to say goodbye to you for now because not much else has happened. I wish you a very happy New Year and I can’t wait to give you more updates!

P.S: I forgot to add that I became a bridesmaid and I met my online friend Toda, both of which made me so happy and so excited! I'll share more about that in the following updates.